every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
a search helicopter?!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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