dude i'm inner monologue high
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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