Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
