They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
