It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
