i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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