Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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