Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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