I want to make a zoo with you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
