I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
