If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
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would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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