I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
