"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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