She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
