the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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