i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My liver just had a heart attack.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize