He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
