chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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