two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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