You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
