I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
