Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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