Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
