Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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