My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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