Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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