I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i out mim tonsoeep
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