Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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