guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
