That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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