Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
