I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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