U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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