WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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