he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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