I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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