Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
