She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
