I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
