it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize