So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize