I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Please don't give away my fajitas
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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