the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
