Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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