Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
