I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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