Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
