the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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