dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
