Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's always time for handjobs
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
