I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
