..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
