Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
