If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
