Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
