literally had 100 drinks last night.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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