this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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