If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
