ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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