I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That's when you crack a 10am beer
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
