belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
