This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
