This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i will never coherently bang her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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