Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
