I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
