Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
