Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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