you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
