All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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