I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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