Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
